{"id":3242,"date":"2020-06-16T01:11:25","date_gmt":"2020-06-15T22:11:25","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/mordayanisma.org\/?p=3242"},"modified":"2025-06-17T12:58:11","modified_gmt":"2025-06-17T09:58:11","slug":"mayis-en-guzel-guluslerin-takvimiydi","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.mordayanisma.org\/en\/2020\/06\/16\/mayis-en-guzel-guluslerin-takvimiydi\/","title":{"rendered":"May\u0131s, En G\u00fczel G\u00fcl\u00fc\u015flerin Takvimiydi."},"content":{"rendered":"

Adresi olmayan y\u0131ld\u0131zlar i\u00e7in t\u00fcm \u0131hlamur \u00e7i\u00e7ekleri sokaklardaki karanl\u0131\u011f\u0131 s\u00fcsl\u00fcyor \u015fimdi.<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

May\u0131s, en g\u00fczel g\u00fcl\u00fc\u015flerin takvimiydi.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

G\u00fcne erken ba\u015flaman\u0131n zorlu\u011fu de\u011fil de Cumartesi\u2019nin ilk dakikalar\u0131ndan sabaha kadar ya\u011fmur sesinde kitap okuyarak ge\u00e7en zaman ve kurulan hayallerden sonra o tatl\u0131 esriklikten s\u0131yr\u0131l\u0131p hayat\u0131n \u00e7eli\u015fkilerle dolu g\u00fcr\u00fclt\u00fcl\u00fc yan\u0131na kar\u0131\u015fmak hi\u00e7bir zaman kolay olmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131r benim i\u00e7in. Hayata dahil olman\u0131n en g\u00fc\u00e7 ve en dayan\u0131lmaz hissini sabahleyin bir an i\u00e7in bile olsa hissetmeyen var m\u0131d\u0131r acaba?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u0130\u00e7imde \u00f6nceki g\u00fcnden kalma tatl\u0131 bir hisle yerimden do\u011frulup perdeyi aral\u0131yorum. D\u0131\u015far\u0131yla selamla\u015fma zaman\u0131 \u015fimdi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018\u2019Ya\u011fmur ya\u011f\u0131yor muydu h\u00e2l\u00e2?\u2019\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hava olabildi\u011fince kapal\u0131 ama ya\u011fmur yok. Bu, k\u00f6t\u00fc i\u015fte.  Bu, \u00e7ok k\u00f6t\u00fc. Ya g\u00fcne\u015f a\u00e7mal\u0131 yang\u0131nlar\u0131n i\u00e7inden deli gibi ya da g\u00fcr\u00fcl g\u00fcr\u00fcl ya\u011fmal\u0131 ya\u011fmur. \u0130kisi de olmuyor oysa. Penceremden g\u00f6r\u00fcnen t\u00fcm g\u00fczellikleri orada b\u0131rak\u0131p d\u0131\u015far\u0131 \u00e7\u0131kmak i\u00e7in haz\u0131rl\u0131klar\u0131m\u0131 yap\u0131yorum. Yap\u0131lacak i\u015flerin s\u0131ras\u0131 kap\u0131dan \u00e7\u0131karken netle\u015fiyor bile. Art\u0131k g\u00fcn\u00fcn her haline haz\u0131r\u0131m.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Apartman kap\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 a\u00e7\u0131p h\u0131zla y\u00fcr\u00fcrken birden soka\u011f\u0131n kenar\u0131nda kald\u0131r\u0131m ta\u015flar\u0131ndan birine oturan Reyya Teyze\u2019nin bana el sallay\u0131p selam verdi\u011fini g\u00f6r\u00fcyorum. Ben de selam verip ilerleyecekken bana el sallayarak yan\u0131na \u00e7a\u011f\u0131r\u0131nca ona do\u011fru y\u00f6neliyorum. Sabah\u0131n erken saatinde kald\u0131r\u0131m ta\u015f\u0131nda oturan ya\u015fl\u0131 say\u0131lmasa da \u00e7\u00f6km\u00fc\u015f olan Reyya Teyze bana g\u00fcl\u00fcmseyerek bak\u0131yor. Yorgun g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fcm\u00fcne ra\u011fmen g\u00f6zlerinde daha \u00f6nce hi\u00e7 g\u00f6rmedi\u011fim bir par\u0131lt\u0131 dikkatimi \u00e7ekiyor. Baz\u0131 insanlar\u0131n en ufak \u015feylerde dahi g\u00f6zlerinde beliren mutluluk ifadesi, onlar\u0131n en yal\u0131n en saf ger\u00e7ekli\u011fidir belki de\u2026Reyya Teyzeyi ka\u00e7 g\u00fcnd\u00fcr g\u00f6rm\u00fcyordum, sahi neredeydi de bug\u00fcn \u00f6yle \u00e7\u0131k\u0131verdi kar\u015f\u0131ma?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hen\u00fcz yan\u0131na varmadan, g\u00fcl\u00fcmseyen y\u00fcz ifadesiyle \u2018\u2019Nas\u0131ls\u0131n k\u0131z\u0131m?\u2019\u2019 dedi bana. K\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck bir kasabada nas\u0131ls\u0131n sorusunun cevab\u0131n\u0131n k\u0131sa olmas\u0131 gerekti\u011fini \u00e7oktan \u00f6\u011frenmi\u015ftim asl\u0131nda ve bu \u2018nas\u0131ls\u0131n\u2019 \u0131 soran ki\u015finin asl\u0131nda kendini anlatmak i\u00e7in bu soruyu sordu\u011funu da.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018\u2019M\u00fcbarek, ne g\u00fczel ya\u011fd\u0131 d\u00fcn de\u011fil mi\u2019\u2019 sorusunu da ekliyor.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bunu s\u00f6ylemek i\u00e7in mi beni yan\u0131na \u00e7a\u011f\u0131rd\u0131 acaba diye soruyorum kendime, yok can\u0131m bunun i\u00e7in \u00e7a\u011f\u0131r\u0131r m\u0131 insan bir ba\u015fkas\u0131n\u0131, bir \u015fey diyecek gibi bak\u0131yor bana, y\u00fcz\u00fcnde i\u00e7ten bir g\u00fcl\u00fcmsemeyle.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201c\u0130yiyim teyze, sen nas\u0131ls\u0131n?\u201d diye soruyorum.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00d6nce, derin bir i\u00e7 \u00e7ekiyor ama bu \u00e7ok h\u00fcz\u00fcnl\u00fc bir anda i\u00e7 \u00e7ekmek de\u011fil, daha \u00e7ok h\u00fcz\u00fcnl\u00fc bir halden \u00e7\u0131kman\u0131n huzuru olan i\u00e7 \u00e7ekmekti.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018\u2019\u0130yiyim k\u0131z\u0131m binlerce \u015f\u00fck\u00fcr ki iyiyim. Nas\u0131l iyi olmayay\u0131m ki hem.\u2019\u2019 G\u00f6zleri doluyor birden.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018\u2019Ka\u00e7 y\u0131ld\u0131r \u015fu yola bak\u0131p onun gelece\u011fini hayal ettim biliyor musun? Ka\u00e7 sabah ka\u00e7 ak\u015fam \u015furada durup bekledim onu. Umudumu kaybetmeyece\u011fim dedim her g\u00f6zya\u015f\u0131m akt\u0131\u011f\u0131nda, gelecek bir g\u00fcn dedim g\u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fcn nuru, bir g\u00fcn d\u00f6n\u00fcp gelecek yan\u0131ma diyerek.\u2019\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Kimden s\u00f6z etti\u011fini anlayamam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m; ama bir t\u00fcrl\u00fc cesaret edip soram\u0131yordum da. O ise anlatmaya devam ediyor. \u2018\u2019Adaklar adad\u0131m u\u011fruna, dileklerim eksik olmad\u0131 hi\u00e7 g\u00f6nl\u00fcmden ve kabul oldu binlerce \u015f\u00fck\u00fcrler olsun. Nas\u0131l iyi olmayay\u0131m \u015fimdi. \u00c7ok \u015f\u00fck\u00fcr k\u0131z\u0131m bana d\u00f6nd\u00fc, art\u0131k hi\u00e7 ayr\u0131lmayacakm\u0131\u015f buradan. O dedi bana, kendi a\u011fz\u0131yla s\u00f6yledi. Gidecek olsa b\u00f6yle der miydi hi\u00e7?\u2019\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Benimle de\u011fil de r\u00fczg\u00e2rla konu\u015fur gibiydi. T\u00fcm bunlar\u0131 kendinden ge\u00e7mi\u015f\u00e7esine \u00f6yle bir i\u00e7tenlikle anlat\u0131yordu ki kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131nda \u00f6ylece ayakta durmu\u015f, sessizce dinliyordum. \u00c7ok bekledi\u011fi k\u0131z\u0131na kavu\u015fma co\u015fkusunu anlayabilmi\u015ftim fakat k\u0131z\u0131na, k\u0131z\u0131n\u0131n gidi\u015fine dair hi\u00e7bir fikrim olmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018\u2019K\u0131z\u0131n neredeydi, neden gitmi\u015fti?\u2019\u2019 diye sorsam y\u00fcre\u011finin kabar\u0131kl\u0131\u011f\u0131yla saatlerce anlataca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 biliyordum. Do\u011frusu anlataca\u011f\u0131 hikayeyi merak etmiyordum ve sohbetle epey zaman ge\u00e7mi\u015f oldu\u011fu i\u00e7in ona:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018\u2019K\u0131z\u0131na kavu\u015fmu\u015fsun ne g\u00fczel, \u00f6yleyse g\u00f6z\u00fcn ayd\u0131n Reyya Teyze\u2019\u2019 diyerek yan\u0131ndan uzakla\u015ft\u0131m. Tam araca binecekken yeniden seslendi bana:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018\u2019Bu ak\u015fam s\u00fct s\u0131ras\u0131 senin, ak\u015fam almay\u0131 sak\u0131n unutma k\u0131z\u0131m\u2019\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yap\u0131lacak i\u015fler s\u0131ras\u0131na s\u00fct almak da eklenmi\u015fti b\u00f6ylece. Al\u0131\u015fveri\u015fi yapt\u0131ktan sonra bir arkada\u015f\u0131mla g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcm. Sabahleyin Reyya Teyzeyle tuhaf kar\u015f\u0131la\u015fmam\u0131z\u0131 ve teyzenin co\u015fkusunu anlatt\u0131m.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sevin\u00e7leri de co\u015fkular\u0131 da yal\u0131n ve basit ya\u015far baz\u0131 insanlar. Bu basitlikte bizim bildi\u011fimiz anlam\u0131n d\u0131\u015f\u0131nda bir \u015fey var, bir\u00e7ok duygunun bile\u015fimi olan bir \u015fey\u2026Kabulleni\u015fle, isyankarl\u0131k, bo\u015f vermi\u015flikle, \u00f6nemseme aras\u0131nda bir duygu. K\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck yerle\u015fim yerinde b\u00f6yledir biraz hayat. \u015ea\u015f\u0131rt\u0131r, bazen hayran b\u0131rak\u0131r seni. \u00c7ok \u00f6nemsedi\u011fin, ciddiyetle yakla\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131n bir durum kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131nda bazen \u00f6yle bir tepkiyle kar\u015f\u0131la\u015f\u0131rs\u0131n ki kar\u015f\u0131ndaki seninle alay m\u0131 ediyor, hayat\u0131 senden daha m\u0131 fazla ciddiye al\u0131yor aras\u0131nda bir sonuca varamazs\u0131n bile.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

K\u0131sa bir sessizlikten sonra arkada\u015f\u0131m merakla sordu:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018\u2019\u015eu s\u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fc etti\u011fin Reyya Teyze, k\u0131z\u0131ndan neden ayr\u0131ym\u0131\u015f?\u2019\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018\u2019Bilmiyorum, sormad\u0131m da\u2019\u2019 dedim. Kendimize, kendi hayatlar\u0131m\u0131zdaki karma\u015falara, ko\u015fu\u015fturmacalara \u00f6ylesine dalm\u0131\u015ft\u0131k ki bir ba\u015fkas\u0131n\u0131n sevinci de \u00fcz\u00fcnt\u00fcs\u00fc de bizi ilgilendirmiyordu adeta.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00d6\u011fleden sonra arkada\u015f\u0131m\u0131n yan\u0131ndan ayr\u0131l\u0131p eve d\u00f6nd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcmde kendimi olduk\u00e7a yorgun hissediyordum. Kanepede uzan\u0131p biraz kitap okudum. G\u00fcne\u015fin her bat\u0131\u015f\u0131nda odan\u0131n i\u00e7inde beliren ince \u00e7izgilerden anlad\u0131m g\u00fcn\u00fcn bitmeye yak\u0131n oldu\u011funu. Bu saatler benim i\u00e7in en \u00f6zel saatler olmu\u015ftur hep, ta \u00e7ocuklu\u011fumdan beri bu saatlerde hem h\u00fcz\u00fcn hem sonsuz bir dinginlik hali belirir y\u00fcre\u011fimde. Pencereden d\u0131\u015far\u0131ya her bakt\u0131\u011f\u0131mda harap olmu\u015f evin duvarlar\u0131, s\u00f6zc\u00fckler, imgeler, hayaller, nesneler hepsi adeta kar\u015f\u0131mda durup bana bak\u0131yor, bana bir \u015feyler anlat\u0131yor da onlar\u0131 dinliyorum hissiyle seyrediyorum onlar\u0131. Bunu arkada\u015f\u0131ma s\u00f6yledi\u011fimde \u2018\u2019O anlarda hayat sana do\u011fru y\u00fcr\u00fcyor, korkma bu histen, \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc hayat\u0131n d\u0131\u015f\u0131nda de\u011fil hi\u00e7bir \u015fey.\u2019\u2019 demi\u015fti. Oysa her g\u00fcn bat\u0131m\u0131nda do\u011fada bir ayin i\u00e7inde sona varma tela\u015f\u0131 vard\u0131 sanki.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bir film bulup izlemeye ba\u015fl\u0131yordum ki s\u00fct\u00fc almam gerekti\u011fini an\u0131msad\u0131m. H\u0131rkam\u0131 al\u0131p h\u0131zl\u0131ca evden \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131m. G\u00fcne\u015fin son \u0131\u015f\u0131klar\u0131 sa\u00e7lar\u0131mda \u0131\u015f\u0131ld\u0131yor, incecik bir dokunu\u015fla tenimde ve y\u00fcz\u00fcmde hissediyorum o g\u00fczelim s\u0131ca\u011f\u0131. Reyya Teyze sabahki ne\u015fesiyle kar\u015f\u0131lad\u0131 beni. Masan\u0131n \u00fczerinde sipari\u015f etti\u011fim s\u00fct \u015fi\u015fesinin yan\u0131nda bir de k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck \u015fi\u015fede s\u00fct ay\u0131rm\u0131\u015f benim i\u00e7in.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018\u2019Bu, benim istedi\u011fim de peki bu ne i\u00e7in?\u2019\u2019 dedim \u015fa\u015fk\u0131nl\u0131kla.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018\u2019K\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck \u015fi\u015fedeki s\u00fct senin k\u0131z\u0131n i\u00e7in.\u2019\u2019 dedi.\u2019\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018\u2019K\u0131z \u00e7ocuklar\u0131n\u0131n ne kadar de\u011ferli oldu\u011funu bilir misin? \u2018\u2019dedi birden. Y\u00fcz\u00fcne bakt\u0131m, g\u00fcne\u015f \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131 y\u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fcn bir k\u0131sm\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6lgede b\u0131rak\u0131yordu. Y\u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fcn ve ellerinin ifadesi bende bir duygudan bir ba\u015fka duyguya anl\u0131k ge\u00e7i\u015fler yarat\u0131yordu. Ne s\u00f6yleyece\u011fimi bilemiyordum o an.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u0130ki s\u00fct \u015fi\u015fesini al\u0131p tam da s\u00fct\u00e7\u00fcn\u00fcn evinin kap\u0131s\u0131ndan \u00e7\u0131karken gencecik g\u00fczel bir k\u0131z bana selam verip Reyya Teyzenin evinin kap\u0131s\u0131ndan i\u00e7eri girdi. Arkama d\u00f6n\u00fcp gen\u00e7 k\u0131za bakt\u0131m. Reyya Teyzenin s\u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fc etti\u011fi k\u0131z\u0131 bu gen\u00e7 k\u0131z olmal\u0131.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

O an bir pi\u015fmanl\u0131k dalgas\u0131 ge\u00e7ti i\u00e7imden, ne olmu\u015ftu da gitmi\u015fti bu k\u0131z, ne olmu\u015ftu da geri d\u00f6nm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc evine? Ne ya\u015fam\u0131\u015f olabilir ki bu g\u00fczel k\u0131z?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Biraz y\u00fcr\u00fcd\u00fckten sonra elimdeki s\u00fct \u015fi\u015felerini kenara b\u0131rak\u0131p sabahleyin teyzenin oturdu\u011fu kald\u0131r\u0131m ta\u015f\u0131nda oturdum, r\u00fczgar g\u00fcllerini seyrettim.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018\u2019Dumanl\u0131 \u0131slak ovaya ak\u015fam\u0131n yorgun bir ku\u015f gibi ini\u015fini severmi\u015fim me\u011fer\u2019\u2019 dizelerini birka\u00e7 defa tekrarlad\u0131m i\u00e7imden. Hava karar\u0131yordu usul usul, g\u00fcne\u015fin s\u0131cak dokunu\u015funu yitiriyordum, \u00fcrperti sar\u0131yordu i\u00e7imi. Yava\u015f\u00e7a kalk\u0131p y\u00fcr\u00fcmeye devam ettim. \u015eu geni\u015f soka\u011f\u0131n en sevdi\u011fim yan\u0131 bu i\u015fte, bu saatlerde sokakta y\u00fcr\u00fcrken g\u00f6ky\u00fcz\u00fcne bakt\u0131k\u00e7a sonsuzluk hissi do\u011fuyordu i\u00e7imde. Bir kitapta okumu\u015ftum:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018\u2019Hi\u00e7 kimsede olmayan y\u0131ld\u0131zlara sahip ol\u2019\u2019 <\/strong>diyordu.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

O an sonsuz bir erin\u00e7le bak\u0131yorum g\u00f6ky\u00fcz\u00fcnde beliren y\u0131ld\u0131zlara\u2026Hepsi benimmi\u015f gibi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Aradan ka\u00e7 g\u00fcn ge\u00e7ti, bilmiyorum ve hat\u0131rlam\u0131yorum. Her \u015fey kendi d\u00f6ng\u00fcs\u00fcnde ak\u0131yordu.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Gecenin en g\u00fczel vaktinde kendim i\u00e7in \u00f6zenle haz\u0131rlad\u0131\u011f\u0131m kahvemi al\u0131p balkona \u00e7\u0131k\u0131yorum. I\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131 yakmadan sokak lambas\u0131n\u0131n ayd\u0131nlatt\u0131\u011f\u0131 balkonda sessizce oturuyorum. Her \u015fey m\u00fcthi\u015f bir dinginlikte. Kar\u015f\u0131 apartman balkonunda oturanlar olurdu ara s\u0131ra ama bu gece evlerin i\u00e7indekilerden perdeye yans\u0131yan g\u00f6lgeler d\u0131\u015f\u0131nda hi\u00e7 kimse yoktu. Caddeden ara s\u0131ra birileri ge\u00e7iyor sadece, sokak kedilerinin sava\u015f\u0131 duyuluyor ara s\u0131ra ve bayku\u015f sesleri\u2026R\u00fczgars\u0131z bir gecede a\u011f\u0131r akan bir filmin i\u00e7indeymi\u015fim gibi hissediyorum.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Kulakl\u0131\u011f\u0131 tak\u0131nca bu aralar en \u00e7ok dinledi\u011fim \u015fark\u0131n\u0131n aras\u0131nda Naz\u0131m\u2019\u0131n sesini duyuyorum:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

\u2018\u2019Ayn\u0131 daldayd\u0131k ayn\u0131 daldayd\u0131k<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ayn\u0131 daldan d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcp ayr\u0131ld\u0131k<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Aram\u0131zda y\u00fcz y\u0131ll\u0131k zaman<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yol, y\u00fcz y\u0131ll\u0131k<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Y\u00fcz y\u0131ld\u0131r alacakaranl\u0131kta<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ko\u015fuyorum ard\u0131nda.\u2019\u2019<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

 Gecenin rengi ne kadar da g\u00fczel. G\u00f6ky\u00fcz\u00fc ne kadar g\u00fczel bu gece. T\u00fcm d\u00fcnya adeta bir ar\u0131n\u0131\u015f halindeymi\u015f gibi. \u00d6yle g\u00fczel bir ahengi var ki gecenin.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yava\u015f\u00e7a yerimden do\u011frularak odama ge\u00e7iyorum. G\u00fczel geceyi, \u015fiiri, sessizli\u011fi ve g\u00fcn\u00fc b\u0131rakarak. Elime ald\u0131\u011f\u0131m kitaptaki s\u00f6zc\u00fcklerde duraks\u0131yorum \u00f6nce, sonra bir\u00e7ok perde ge\u00e7iyor g\u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fcn \u00f6n\u00fcnden. Sonra birden bir ses aral\u0131yor o perdeyi. Telefon sesi mi kap\u0131 sesi mi bilemiyorum. Gecede miyim sabah m\u0131 oldu balkonda m\u0131y\u0131m h\u00e2l\u00e2?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Her yer sessizlikle \u00f6r\u00fcl\u00fc de\u011fil miydi, \u015fimdi bu sesler de ne? Film mi a\u00e7\u0131k kalm\u0131\u015f bilgisayarda, \u00e7ocuk sesi mi, ku\u015f sesleri mi duydu\u011fum?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 Annem mi arayan? bir kad\u0131n sesi sanki, birden \u00e7ok kad\u0131n sesi\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Uykum var, \u00e7ok uykum var, sesleri duymamak i\u00e7in ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131 \u00f6te yana \u00e7eviriyorum. Ses kesilir gibi oluyor. derken yine u\u011fultu, ba\u011f\u0131r\u0131\u015f, \u00e7\u0131\u011fl\u0131k\u2026  belki de hepsi..<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Uyumak gittik\u00e7e imkans\u0131z bir hal al\u0131yor, i\u00e7imden k\u00fcfretmek ge\u00e7iyor. \u0130\u00e7imden uyumak ge\u00e7iyor. Hemen d\u0131\u015f kap\u0131y\u0131 a\u00e7\u0131yorum. Kimse yok, ses yok, hay\u0131r ses var. Ama apartman i\u00e7inden de\u011fil d\u0131\u015fardan, a\u015fa\u011f\u0131dan. Sesler art\u0131yor, u\u011fultu halinde bazen \u00e7\u0131\u011fl\u0131k. Bir kabus mu bu yoksa? Uyanamad\u0131m m\u0131 ben? H\u0131zla ge\u00e7en birka\u00e7 ara\u00e7 sesi. Daha \u00e7ok k\u00fcfretmek istiyorum. Sonra bir ambulans sesi. Bu defa tela\u015fla balkona \u00e7\u0131k\u0131yorum, ko\u015fuyorum hatta. Balkona \u00e7\u0131k\u0131nca d\u0131\u015farda ters giden bir \u015feyler oldu\u011funa anl\u0131yorum, u\u011fultu art\u0131yor. Kalbimin h\u0131zla \u00e7arpmas\u0131na anlam veremiyorum, ne yapmam gerekti\u011fini d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmeden h\u0131zla d\u0131\u015f kap\u0131y\u0131 a\u00e7\u0131p d\u0131\u015far\u0131 \u00e7\u0131k\u0131yorum asans\u00f6r\u00fc bile bekleyecek zaman\u0131m yokmu\u015f gibi d\u00f6rt kattan a\u015fa\u011f\u0131ya ko\u015farak iniyorum. Biri kar\u015f\u0131ma \u00e7\u0131k\u0131p nereye gidiyorsun dese verece\u011fim mant\u0131kl\u0131 bir cevab\u0131m yok. Nefes nefese kalm\u0131\u015ft\u0131m apartman kap\u0131s\u0131ndan \u00e7\u0131karken. Sa\u00e7lar\u0131m en son g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcmde nas\u0131ld\u0131 hat\u0131rlam\u0131yorum bile, terlikle \u00e7\u0131km\u0131\u015ft\u0131m d\u0131\u015far\u0131 ve k\u0131z\u0131m yukarda yaln\u0131z ba\u015f\u0131na uyuyor. Bunlar\u0131n etkilerini d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmeyecek haldeydim, sadece ko\u015fuyorum. Kalabal\u0131\u011f\u0131n oldu\u011fu yer, Reyya Teyzenin evi. Ne zaman topland\u0131 bu insanlar burada?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hem\u015fireydi\u2026 yaz\u0131k oldu\u2026olaylara m\u0131 kar\u0131\u015fm\u0131\u015f\u2026daha birka\u00e7 g\u00fcn \u00f6nce\u2026annesi\u2026\u00fcniversitede\u2026\u0130stanbul\u2019da\u2026 a\u011fa\u00e7 i\u00e7in\u2026yirmi ya\u015f\u0131nda\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Birka\u00e7 g\u00fcn \u00f6nce merak etmeyip dinlemedi\u011fim k\u0131z\u0131n \u00f6yk\u00fcs\u00fcn\u00fc \u015fifre ararcas\u0131na s\u00f6zc\u00fcklerden topluyordum sokakta ko\u015farken, par\u00e7a par\u00e7a olmu\u015f s\u00f6zc\u00fcklerden.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Reyya Teyzenin\u2018\u2019K\u0131z \u00e7ocuklar\u0131 ne kadar de\u011ferlidir bilir misin\u2019\u2019 sorusu beynime balyoz gibi iniyor birden. O kap\u0131n\u0131n \u00f6n\u00fcnde duruyorum. Nefes nefeseyim. Etraftaki kalabal\u0131k giderek art\u0131yor. Uykuda m\u0131y\u0131m ben h\u00e2l\u00e2? Bunlar ger\u00e7ek mi, herkes ve her \u015fey?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Birka\u00e7 g\u00fcn \u00f6nce bu kap\u0131dan \u00e7\u0131k\u0131p y\u0131ld\u0131zlar\u0131 sahiplenen ben miydim, balkondaki o sessizli\u011fin b\u00fcy\u00fcs\u00fcnde \u015fiirleri Naz\u0131m\u2019\u0131n sesinden dinleyen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131m hangi an ger\u00e7ekti?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hangisi benim ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131md\u0131?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

O k\u0131z\u0131n hayat\u0131 hangi ger\u00e7ekli\u011fin hikayesiydi?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018\u2019\u015eimdi<\/p>\n\n\n\n

t\u00fcm anlamlar aral\u0131klardayd\u0131.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n

<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Adresi olmayan y\u0131ld\u0131zlar i\u00e7in t\u00fcm \u0131hlamur \u00e7i\u00e7ekleri sokaklardaki karanl\u0131\u011f\u0131 s\u00fcsl\u00fcyor \u015fimdi. May\u0131s, en g\u00fczel g\u00fcl\u00fc\u015flerin takvimiydi. G\u00fcne erken ba\u015flaman\u0131n zorlu\u011fu de\u011fil de Cumartesi\u2019nin ilk dakikalar\u0131ndan sabaha kadar ya\u011fmur sesinde kitap okuyarak ge\u00e7en zaman ve kurulan hayallerden sonra o tatl\u0131 esriklikten s\u0131yr\u0131l\u0131p hayat\u0131n \u00e7eli\u015fkilerle dolu g\u00fcr\u00fclt\u00fcl\u00fc yan\u0131na kar\u0131\u015fmak hi\u00e7bir zaman kolay olmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131r benim i\u00e7in. Hayata dahil…<\/p>","protected":false},"author":22,"featured_media":3258,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_coblocks_attr":"","_coblocks_dimensions":"","_coblocks_responsive_height":"","_coblocks_accordion_ie_support":"","_eb_attr":"","inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[98],"tags":[248,247],"ppma_author":[589],"class_list":["post-3242","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-kultur-sanat","tag-kadin-yazini","tag-oyku","author-ranya"],"authors":[{"term_id":589,"user_id":22,"is_guest":0,"slug":null,"display_name":"Ranya","avatar_url":"https:\/\/www.mordayanisma.org\/wp-content\/litespeed\/avatar\/5b6fd3fe8585ba5b325c573d21b53211.jpg?ver=1784369366","author_category":"","first_name":"Ranya","last_name":"","user_url":"","job_title":"","description":""}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mordayanisma.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3242","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mordayanisma.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mordayanisma.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mordayanisma.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/22"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mordayanisma.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3242"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.mordayanisma.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3242\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mordayanisma.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/3258"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mordayanisma.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3242"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mordayanisma.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3242"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mordayanisma.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3242"},{"taxonomy":"author","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mordayanisma.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/ppma_author?post=3242"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}